KG Gets a Job
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: Inspired by comments from RK, KG decides to become his own man and look for his very first job. He lands a position at the local pizzeria, but an unorthodox boss, a huge workload, and even RK himself could threaten KG's chances of keeping the job.
1. KG Gets a Job Script

_Thank You, Heavenly _

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 3

Airdate: October 13, 2019

"KG Gets a Job"

Special Guest Stars: Larisa Oleynik as Denise

_#TYH806_

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One day, the Jennings brothers are watching TV when they hear the mail come in._

KG: You get it.

RK: I got it last time.

KG: Yeah, that's the rule. If you got it last time, you get it this time. It's the two-get rule.

RK: But I got it the time before that too!

KG: Ugh, your generation gets lazier every year.

_KG sighs and gets up to pick up the mail. He opens the door, picks up the mail, and closes the door, then walks back to the couch._

KG: Alright, free coupons from Arby's, Publishers Clearing House, a radio sweepstakes. Haha, government check! Come to papa.

RK: See, this is what makes strangers think we're on welfare.

KG: I'm just saying, man, payday is always exciting. Our means for living all contained in one beautiful, government-endorsed check. That's my America.

RK: Yeah, I know how you feel. It's kinda like how you can go to the corner store...and get water for less than two dollars a bottle. What will America think of next?

KG: Dude, I know you and Anna had a fight, but you're ruining payday for me.

RK: Okay, I'm bitter, but I'm right. One day, those government checks are going to disappear and we'll be broke and starving. Then what are you going to do to provide for us?

KG: Oh, like that should all fall on me. You could have been a child star and made millions if you didn't blow your audition.

_Cut to a flashback sequence of RK reading for an unidentified part in a casting director's office._

CASTING DIRECTOR: Alright, Ryan, whenever you're ready, you can start.

RK: "Look, Toby, you need to help me out. My sister's diary is located right under her bed. If I find it, I'll be able to ruin her life." Okay, could I just say something? The annoying younger brother is an outdated, offensive stereotype. We can do better than that. And why is my character explaining everything to Toby like they're not best friends? Wouldn't they have went over the plan before? This is lazy writing.

_The casting director is speechless and dumbfounded by RK's comments. Cut back to the present day._

RK: They should have picked me. If I didn't hold them to a higher standard, who would?

KG: It was a show for Disney Channel, not HBO.

RK: Kids deserve quality entertainment!

SCENE 2

George Meyer High School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, KG is eating lunch with Rodney, Trevor, and Denise._

KG: I don't know, guys, maybe RK's right. I'm 15 now. I need to get a hustle going soon or I'm finished.

RODNEY: RK's just some dumb kid. Why is he worrying about money already?

KG: I think it's those news channels. They send bad messages to people like him.

DENISE: You know, KG, if you want something for yourself, maybe you could start looking for a job.

TREVOR: Yeah. I can help put in a good word for you at my job.

KG: Wait a minute. You have a job?

TREVOR: Of course. I started working there during the summer and they hired me part-time.

RODNEY: Well, what do you do?

TREVOR: I do everything. I'm a jack of all trades. All over the place, you know?

DENISE: No, Trevor, Rodney's asking you what your exact position is.

TREVOR: Whatever they need me to do, I do it.

KG: Okay, so where do you work?

TREVOR: Alright, you guys are like the CIA. I can't just give away information like that.

_Beat._

KG: You ain't got no job, man! In order for me to start working, I need to figure out what it is that I want to do. It's going to take years for my comedy career to pop off, so I need to find something to tide me over.

RODNEY: What about a career counselor? I'm pretty sure they can help you.

KG: Dude, what part of "years for my comedy career to pop off" don't you understand?

RODNEY: I'm saying, they can help you get a job. You just have to make sure you go in there and not waste their time.

KG: Sounds simple enough.

TREVOR: Hey Denise, I realized that there's a girl that looks just like you at my job.

DENISE: That's a great story, Trevor.

SCENE 3

Northgate Community Center

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_After school, KG walks through the center looking for the career counselor and stops when he sees a room with a large sign attached to the door._

KG: Hmmm, this must be it.

_Cut to the sign that reads: "Bernard Flegman, Career Counselor A-Go Go" with the phrase "I added the 'a-go go'" written in smaller letters right underneath and in parentheses. KG shrugs and walks right into the room. _

SCENE 4

Northgate Community Center

Interior Career Counselor Room

Seattle, Washington

_Cut to KG in the office as he sits across Bernard at his desk._

BERNARD: Hi, Bernie Flegman. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

KG: KG Jennings. Pleased to be here.

BERNARD: Alright, KG, you came here today looking for career guidance?

KG: Yup. I'm trying to apply for my first job, but honestly, I have no idea where I should apply.

BERNARD: Well, KG, it's as simple as just looking for entry-level jobs online. What are you, 16?

KG: 15, actually.

BERNARD: Okay, well, I'll be happy to assess your personality and figure out which jobs fit you. Just a few questions before we start. Number one, "Are you Latino and/or Hispanic?"

_Beat._

BERNARD: It's just a formality.

KG: No, I'm white.

BERNARD: Great. Next question, "How would you identify your race and/or ethnicity?"

KG: I'm white and/or Caucasian, how does this help me get a job?

BERNARD: KG, you have to trust the process.

KG: There hasn't been any process yet!

BERNARD: Yeah, I can tell your assessment is going to be informative.

SCENE 5

George Meyer High School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

_Some time has passed since the assessment and KG is talking to Denise by the lockers._

DENISE: Did you get the results back from your job test?

KG: Yeah. Apparently, I'm best suited for a retail job. I can't work in retail.

DENISE: Why not?

KG: It's too much pressure. I mean, I've had plenty of shows before, but at least if you make one bad joke, you can just follow it up with a better one. The people at Target don't mess around, they'll fire you for anything.

DENISE: Why can't you just get a job at the Laugh Machine?

KG: I would love to work there, but they have no openings. I'm just gonna have to see if there's a center somewhere that can hire me on the spot.

DENISE: Are you sure a place like that exists?

KG: Are you implying that it doesn't and I'm wasting my time?

_Beat._

DENISE: I mean, yeah, it exists. Hooray for existing!

SCENE 6

Fernando's Pizza

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

_KG walks towards the pizzeria when he sees a "Help Wanted" sign on the window._

KG: Well, I'll be damned.

_At that point, a homeless man notices KG looking at the sign and walks up to him._

HOMELESS MAN: Hey kid, you looking for a job?

KG: Yeah. Are you hiring?

HOMELESS MAN: You're looking for a jobby job? You wanna get yourself a little jobbo?

KG: Yes. Are you going to answer my question?!

HOMELESS MAN: Sure, I can get you...a job.

_The homeless man begins laughing maniacally and attracting the attention of people walking by. KG looks confused and disturbed, then walks into the pizzeria. _

KG: The f*** is wrong with people these days? Hey Julio, one large pepperoni to go.

JULIO: Coming right up.

KG: You know, I couldn't help but notice your "Help Wanted" sign. You guys looking for extra hands?

JULIO: Yeah, we could use some help in the back. We haven't found anybody interested, but we'll take all comers.

KG: I could do it. I'm already looking for work.

JULIO: Well, I could set it up with the boss. If he says yes, all you have to do is show up tomorrow and get started.

KG: Sounds like a plan. I'll see you around.

JULIO: Wait, you don't still want your pizza?

KG: What pizza? Oh, I'm stupid. Yeah, make sure you go easy on the pepperoni spice this time. Last time, it felt like a serial killer was trying to escape from my ass.

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, the Jennings brothers are watching TV but KG looks distracted as he keeps staring at the kitchen and playing with his hands._

RK: Dude, what the hell's wrong with you? You waiting for Christmas?

KG: It wasn't funny the first time you said that, and it's not funny the ninth time, either.

RK: I'll make it funny. But come on, man, let me in. You're making our quality time with Earl awkward.

KG: Look, I'm just dealing with some very important business-oriented activities. You wouldn't understand.

RK: I would if you stopped beating around the bush.

_At that point, the phone in the kitchen rings. KG jumps off the couch and runs to the kitchen, inadvertently knocking RK down._

KG: DON'T TOUCH ME, I'LL GET IT!

RK: I'm scared. I'm actually scared now.

_Cut to KG in the kitchen._

KG: KG Jennings, talk to me. Yeah, Julio? You know, I was just in the kitchen when the phone happened to ring. Crazy, right? Wait, for real? I'm hired?! Yes, I'll be there after school ready to go! Thanks!

_KG hangs up the phone and screams in celebration, then starts dancing around the kitchen. His dancing continues in the living room._

RK: KG, I think it might be time to see that shrink we always talked about.

KG: Brother, you remember how you were chewing me out about being a worthless, unemployed bum?

RK: I remember it a lot differently, but yes.

KG: Well, no more will I have to hear your mouth telling me to get a job. I am officially employed.

RK: HOLY SHIT, YOU GOT A JOB?!

KG: Damn right. I start at Fernando's Pizza tomorrow after school!

RK: YES! Let's do that weirdo dance together.

KG: That's what's up.

_KG and RK begin dancing together to celebrate KG's new job._

SCENE 8

Fernando's Pizza

Seattle, Washington

_After school the next day, KG walks into Fernando's with a big smile on his face. He high-fives Julio._

JULIO: You ready to go?

KG: Damn right. This has been days in the making.

JULIO: Alright, let me introduce you to the boss.

_KG and Julio walk into the kitchen where several other employees are working and being directed by a middle-aged Greek man._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: You guys need to keep up the pace. A lazy worker is a useless worker. Customers expect quality, and we need to give it to them.

JULIO: Mr. A, this is the kid I was talking about. KG Jennings.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Excellent. I'm Mr. Ansolabehere, the manager and founder of Fernando's. While working here, you're free to call it Nando's.

KG: I'm okay. So, what am I doing?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Right now, we're in need of a busboy. You're up. While you work, wear this apron at all times. I can't take you seriously without it.

_Mr. Ansolabehere gives KG a green apron to wear around his waist, which he ties promptly._

KG: Hmmm. Snazzy.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Alright, kid, enough chitchat. Give those dishes what for.

KG: Right. Uh...uh...where are the gloves?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What?

KG: The rubber gloves. I can't work in the kitchen without them, it's unsanitary.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Kid, you don't need them now. The important thing is those plates get scrubbed to the bone!

KG: Right.

_KG takes one of the dirty plates and begins scrubbing it._

SCENE 9

Fernando's Pizza

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_Later on, KG is watching one of the other employees make pizza when Mr. Ansolabehere walks in._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Kid, what are you doing? I'm not paying you to stand around.

KG: See, that's the thing. I'm like, _sans _pay schedule right now, so if we can work that out...

_*while looking at the washed dishes* _MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What is this?

KG: The plates, sir. All cleaned up and scrubbed down.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: No, they're not. You're gonna have to do them again.

KG: What? Why?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: They still smell like pizza. Very important rule of dishwashing: If the smell of the previous item isn't faint, the job's not done yet.

KG: With all due respect, sir, the smell will just fade out. It's no big deal.

_The other workers sigh and shake their heads as Mr. Ansolabehere __slowly walks towards KG with a look of disgust._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: No big deal? When your mother gave birth to you, was that no big deal? Were all the hours of intense labor just something you can toss over your shoulder like they didn't count? When I decided to go into food service and rent my first truck to make pizza, you think that was no big deal?

KG: Probably not.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: F*** no, it wasn't. It took hours and hours of work to build what I have now. It's in my bloodline every day I wake up. That's why I commit to excellence because anything less is a slap in the face to myself and this business. Can you commit to excellence?

KG: Uh huh.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Then do the dishes again and again until you get that faint smell, and if that's too hard for you, you can find another job. You understand?

KG: Yeah. I understand.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Kids.

_Mr. Ansolabehere storms out of the kitchen while the other workers stare at KG._

KG: Hey, you heard the man! Staring at me won't get you a raise! Hustle!

SCENE 10

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_At night, RK is watching TV when KG returns home with a pizza in hand. He looks exhausted._

KG: Honey, I'm home.

_KG falls face-first on the floor and RK rushes to his aid._

RK: **KG! **Are you okay? Speak to me.

KG: Brother, do me a favor.

RK: What?

KG: Never get a job. Ever. Don't let time age you, stay ten forever.

RK: I wish I could, but there are a lot of people that would be upset if that happened. What did those scumbags do to you?

KG: Everything. I had to wash those dishes over and over until the pizza smell went away.

RK: Went away? Everybody knows you have to let it fade out!

KG: Exactly! Motherf***ers are crazy out here. It's pizza, not trigonometry.

RK: Speaking of which, what's that pizza doing here?

KG: Oh, that's one of my few perks. I get an employee discount on every pizza I purchase. Family included.

RK: Family included? Employee discount? You mean, all I have to do is tell them I'm your brother and I'm in?

KG: Yeah. My boss Mr. Ansolabehere is real big on family values.

RK: That's crazy. You know what, KG? Maybe the people at work are testing you. They see you as fresh meat and they want to know if you can grind like they can.

KG: You think so?

RK: Of course. It's like an initiation into their secret club. If you give it a few days or weeks, maybe months, they'll learn to respect you.

KG: Well, I'm not waiting that long. If things don't get better by the end of the month, I might as well just quit.

_KG walks upstairs while RK stares at the pizza on the floor._

RK: But the discount, though.

SCENE 11

Fernando's Pizza

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, KG is sweeping the floor when he gets approached by a heavyset African-American man also wearing an employee apron. _

RONNIE: Man, you know you keep sweeping the same spot, right?

KG: I'm just trying to think more like Mr. Ansolabehere. Commitment to excellence, remember?

_KG rolls his eyes and goes back to sweeping. _

RONNIE: Wait a minute, I know you. You did that show at the Laugh Machine, right? The one about white people?

KG: Yes! My viral routine, you've seen it?!

RONNIE: Man, I was in the audience. I was laughing all the way home. You got talent, kid.

KG: Thanks. At least if I die tomorrow, I'll know you thought my set was funny.

RONNIE: Name's Ronnie. I've been working at Nando's for a couple years.

KG: Really? I guess our boss has read you the riot act before?

RONNIE: Many times when I started out, yeah. But the harder you work, the better he'll treat you. And if he really likes you, he'll take care of you.

KG: How so?

RONNIE: When I started working here, I was saving up money for college. Dude ended up paying my whole tuition, no questions asked.

KG: Damn, he really does have an empire. I wish I could get taken care of.

RONNIE: Trust me, you will. Just play it cool and don't challenge Mr. A because he'll challenge you right back. He's feeling you out right now.

KG: I just wish there was a way to crack him. I know I just started, but I can't work for a boss that doesn't care about me.

_Mr. Ansolabehere walks into the restaurant holding a set of car keys._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Hey new kid, stop sweeping. You and I are going for a ride.

RONNIE: Looks like you've got your answer.

SCENE 12

_KG looks slightly uncomfortable as he sits in the passenger's seat of Mr. Ansolabehere's car._

KG: This is kinda weird.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What's weird about it? I always take my new recruits on rides. It's how I get to know them.

KG: So, where are we going? A trip to your old neighborhood to show me where you came from?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I was born and raised in Phoenix, kiddo. Nothing of the sort on this trip.

_Mr. Ansolabehere turns on the car radio. "For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield begins playing._

KG: This came out when CDs were fifty dollars, didn't it?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What, you need trap drums to enjoy this? That's the problem with your generation. You have no knowledge of history. Life didn't start when *NSYNC dropped "I Want It That Way" or whatever.

KG: That was the Backstreet Boys.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: See? That's the generation gap. You don't care about my music, I sure as hell don't care about yours.

_Beat._

KG: You know, you don't have to be so irritated.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Pardon?

KG: I said what I said. I just started working for you yesterday, what's with the third degree?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Is that what's so important to you? How I feel about you? Kid, why did you start working for me?

KG: Because I wanted to be my own man and make my own money.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Right. It wasn't because you wanted me to like you. Do you know how many bosses I've worked for that liked me?

KG: Four?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Not a single one. My whole life, I've attracted hate like a magnet. That just made me want it more. As long as you're doing what you're supposed to do, and that check clears, you should never give a flying f*** about who likes and dislikes you.

KG: I guess that's true.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: You know it's true. Look, kid, let's make a deal. You commit to excellence, and I'll make sure you never have to look for another job. That sound good?

KG: I think we can make that work.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Alright. Because you see, new kid, it's like what Buffalo Springfield says. You gotta stop what you're doing, and check to see what's going down. Or else, your ass is gonna get shot.

_Beat._

KG: I'm sorry, what?

SCENE 13

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One day, RK is watching TV when he gets a phone call. He checks the caller I.D., then picks up._

RK: RKJ here, what it do? It's Ryan Jennings, yeah, I ordered the, um...pizza, yeah. Alright, I'll be at the door shortly.

_RK gets up from the couch and opens the door to reveal an employee from Fernando's holding the pizza._

RK: Yes, it's arrived! Here's your cash, my good man. Employee discount-protected.

PIZZA DELIVERYMAN: Yeah, you told me that over the phone five times. I know you get charged less.

RK: And don't you forget it. You don't want to piss off the family members of your fellow coworkers.

PIZZA DELIVERYMAN: Uh huh. Enjoy your pizza.

RK: Enjoy your day, my man.

_RK closes the door and opens the pizza to look at it and smell it._

RK: It's like the moon hitting my eye. Never did I see such a great opportunity until now.

SCENE 14

_("Carry Out" by Timbaland featuring Justin Timberlake plays in the background)_

_The montage simultaneously follows KG's days working at Fernando's and RK taking advantage of his brother's employee discount to get cheaper pizzas. A running gag is that when RK's pizza arrives, he opens the door, and performs a little dance before giving the deliveryman his money. KG is shown sweeping the floors, washing dishes, taking orders over the phone, and on occasion, delivering the pizzas himself. During this time, his relationship with Mr. Ansolabehere improves as his boss begins to respect him as an employee and a person, finally giving him a "KG" name tag. KG also makes friends with Ronnie as they spend their downtime at the restaurant talking and joking about the customers._

_RK begins to let his friends in on the deal, especially Buster. One day, RK comes to school with slices of pizza wrapped in foil paper. He passes them out to several kids, including the guys. When he gives Buster some slices, Buster responds with RK's own little dance, and RK joins in the dance as Sparky, Wade, and Jaylynn look on with confusion. Eventually, RK has Buster order pizza as well, and pulls some strings to get him the discount, like making the employees at Fernando's believe that Buster is his adopted brother. _

SCENE 15

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One day, RK opens the door to get his pizza, but for the first time, KG is the one delivering it._

RK: Cool, it's you this time. I wonder if I should do my happy dance.

KG: Don't do it. I've seen it, it's awful. But I should thank you. Mr. Ansolabehere says that he's never seen so much business from one house before.

RK: How could he not? Fernando's has changed the game, man. It's like a pizza masterclass. By the way, how's that job thing going?

KG: You mean, the thing I'm doing right in front of you? It's great. My boss is cool with me, I've made a friend or two, most of the customers are nice, and between you and me, I'm thinking I might get a raise.

RK: A raise? Damn, you went from waiting for government checks to cashing huge working man checks. You've really stepped up.

KG: Thanks. I don't know, because of Fernando's, I feel like I've grown up a little bit. You know, like a big man.

RK: That's great.

_Beat._

KG: Man, are you gonna take the pizza? I have other houses to hit.

RK: Oh shit, right. I would give you a tip, but I don't have any change, so here's a chocolate coin and a glow in the dark yo-yo that breaks every time you try to use it.

SCENE 16

Fernando's Pizza

Interior Dining Area

Seattle, Washington

_On another day, KG and Ronnie are having their usual conversation._

KG: So then, Trevor says something about the Easter Bunny and the Trix rabbit being a gay couple.

RONNIE: Man, what?

KG: I don't know. I think half of what he says is just to get some words out.

RONNIE: Dude, one of these days, you have to smack him up. It'll get some sense into his brain.

KG: I don't know, he's my friend. I don't want to put my hands on him every time he says something stupid.

RONNIE: It's okay. Sometimes, you have to let your friends know when they're acting up. I smack my buddies all the time. Not like I enjoy it, not like I want them to be scared, but when you ask for it, you'll receive it.

KG: I could learn so much from you, Ronald.

RK _(O.S.)_: How could you treat your own customers like this? I demand to speak to your manager.

KG: Oh, shit. Please tell me that voice isn't real.

_KG leaves from behind the counter. Cut to RK at his table, arguing with an employee. _

LANDON: Kid, for the last time, that Parmesan is for everybody. Two shakes only.

RK: What if it's not enough? Three shakes shouldn't be much of a problem.

KG: RK!

RK: There's my brother, he'll vouch for me. KG, how's another fantastic workday?

KG: Dude, what are you doing here?

RK: Having lunch. Or at least, that's what I thought until one of your coworkers decided to try me unprovoked.

LANDON: The rule is, you can only use the Parmesan shaker twice. If we don't adhere to the rules, then what's our world going to turn into?

KG: Landon, you know I admire your dedication to the rules, but believe me, my brother isn't worth it.

LANDON: You sure?

KG: Of course I am. Go help Julio in the kitchen, we could use some extra hands for the fruit punch shipment.

_Landon looks back at RK, who rolls his eyes. Landon shakes his head and walks to the kitchen._

KG: RK, you have to go home. You can't cause a scene at my work.

RK: That guy was all over me about cheese. What's life become that a kid can't enjoy some of the best pizza in the world without being stopped by the food police?

KG: Dude, if Mr. Ansolabehere finds out about this...

_At that point, Mr. Ansolabehere walks into the restaurant and sees KG talking to RK._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Hey KG, what's going on here? Everything cool?

KG: Sure thing, boss. Smooth like silk pajamas.

RK: Boss? _You're _Mr. Ansolabehere!

KG: I already said too much.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Yeah, who wants to know?

RK: RK Jennings, that's who. Your employee pitched a fit just because I didn't follow the Parmesan rule.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: It's a rule that helps promote common decency. You think you can just take all the Parmesan you want?

RK: I think I should at least have the option to take all the Parmesan I want.

KG: It's like watching a car crash.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Listen, kid, you can't just walk into my restaurant, enjoy my food, and expect preferential treatment. Take that shit to Starbucks.

RK: Well, maybe I should sue. I'll wrap this place up in a lawsuit so deep, you'll have to sell pizza out of a food truck to make up what you've lost.

KG: Mr. Ansolabehere, ignore him. He has a chemical imbalance, he doesn't know what he's talking about!

RK: Yeah, I do!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: KG, you know this kid?

KG: Unfortunately, yes. I'm his brother.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Alright, here's what I'm gonna do. Brother of KG, I don't want you anywhere near my restaurant again. I'll make sure my guys never take your orders again, and KG, I'm handing you your walking papers. You're fired.

KG AND RK: What?!

KG: Sir, you can't be serious!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I am. I can't have you around if he's planning on seizing my business. You need to teach your brother some manners.

KG: But I didn't have anything to do with this!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: You know what? This was probably your plan. Try to take advantage of my hospitality, work for me, destroy me from within. No, you don't get to have that. I want you out of here as soon as possible. But don't worry. I'll make sure your last paycheck clears.

_Mr. Ansolabehere storms off, and KG gives RK a death glare._

RK: KG, I know this is a horrible situation, which is why dinner's on me tonight. Whatever you want to order, it's okay.

_KG leaves the pizzeria. The instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background as RK looks down on the floor in shame._

SCENE 17

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_The next morning, RK is eating cereal when KG walks in._

RK: Good morning, brother. Ready for another great day?

KG: Mmmm.

RK: Come on, man, you've been freezing me out ever since you got fired. I already told you I'm sorry.

KG: Mmmm.

_Beat._

RK: Well, I guess you don't want to know about the weird dream I had about Denise.

KG: You did what with Denise?!

RK: I knew that would work.

KG: Look, you may or may not have had some inappropriate thoughts about Denise, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to you. As far as I'm concerned, we're only brothers because of a horrible accident.

RK: Dude, you're going to bounce back. It was just some entry-level pizza job.

KG: And it was my very first job. A job you pushed me into. Then you took it away from me like some weirdo puppetmaster.

RK: Bro, I never said you had to get a job tomorrow. I just wanted to make sure you had something for yourself one day.

KG: Like that matters. The whole reason I started working in the first place was for you. So you could finally see me as a provider trying to look out for you. The only reason you cared was because of a discount, and now, thanks to you, we'll probably both get shot on sight if either of us step foot in Fernando's again.

RK: KG, it's not over yet. Come hell or high water, I'm gonna fix this.

KG: Forget it, man. There's nothing to fix, not this time. I'm going to look for a new job and when I do, maybe I'll finally give up on you ever having faith in me.

_KG leaves the kitchen. RK sighs, but KG comes back to take his cereal with him._

KG: I want my f***ing breakfast.

_KG grabs his bowl of cereal and leaves the kitchen._

SCENE 18

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_At lunch, Sparky is writing something in his notebook while RK looks depressed. _

SPARKY: Hey guys, I'm trying to write a song for Halley, but I'm having trouble finding things that rhyme with her name.

BUSTER: Do they have to be perfect rhymes?

SPARKY: No, they can almost sound like her name.

JAYLYNN: Let's see. Daily, sway me, sustain me, Swae Lee. That's all I got so far.

WADE: What genre is your song in?

SPARKY: I was thinking about a pop rap fusion.

RK: Sure. Hey Wade, if someone got fired but they didn't do anything wrong, could they get their job back?

WADE: Probably. I know a cousin of mine sued his job for wrongful termination. He ended up with a huge cash settlement.

RK: Then there's still hope for KG!

JAYLYNN: KG got fired from the pizza place?

RK: Yeah, and it was all my fault. If I don't get him his job back soon, he's going to hate me forever.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. If KG's not working at Fernando's anymore, then the employee discount is gone, which means...

RK: Yep. Back to ordering pizza at regular price.

BUSTER: Please get KG his job back, man. Kiss the manager's ass if you have to.

RK: I'm desperate, but I'm not mentally insane.

SCENE 19

Fernando's Pizza

Interior Mr. Ansolabehere's Office

Seattle, Washington

_That afternoon, Mr. Ansolabehere is writing something down on a clipboard when RK walks in. _

RK: Mr. Ansolabehere?

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Who let you in here? I thought I banned you from my restaurant.

RK: It didn't work. If you want to ban people, it would really help if you got some security.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: What are you here for anyway?

RK: Unfinished business.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Look, Parmesan, if I were you, I would forget about the lawsuit. If you want to settle, we can settle, but I'm going to embarrass you in court. This isn't a sitcom.

RK: Sounds more like you think it's one. But this isn't about me, old man. It's about my brother KG. You need to rehire him ASAP.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Why would I do that? I took him on a ride, I made a deal with him. He let you come here and disrespect my business. I can't employ someone like that.

RK: Whatever beef we have is between you and me. KG loved working here. He thought you were an amazing boss. He's hurt, he's devastated, and right now, he hates the both of us.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Is that right?

RK: Indeed. I mean, I'm his brother, so on some level, he's still a fan of my work, but you're on his list, Ansolabehere. Probably for life. He doesn't forget people who cross him.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: That's cute, but he should have thought about that before he crossed _me_. Listen, Parmesan, I've hired and fired many employees. I've seen the best, and I've terminated the best. Your brother is just a drop in the bucket. I asked him to commit to excellence, and he tried to plot against me. I can't work with someone who's disloyal.

RK: Alright, I hear you. You can't be swayed. But this isn't over.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I think it is. And if you even think about waltzing into my office again, I'll see to it that you spend a night in jail.

RK: I've been to jail in outer space. I've seen things, Ansolabehere. Just know this isn't over.

_RK looks around at the various items in Mr. Ansolabehere's office._

RK: Nice artifacts. Would be a shame if something happened to them.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: You want that night in jail now, Parmesan?!

RK: Crossing off.

_RK finally leaves the office._

SCENE 20

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That same day, KG is on the phone while circling jobs in the classifieds of the newspaper. _

KG: It's over, Denise. I'm never getting that job back. I thought Mr. Ansolabehere would understand, but he's just as grimy as 95% of adults in America.

_Cut to Denise in her living room._

DENISE: Well, I hope you find another job soon. You seemed like you were happy working at Fernando's.

_Cut back to KG._

KG: Yeah, but that stage of my life is long gone. I already found other prospects. See, this one is for a kid around my age. I work closely with an old man making birdhouses and assisting him. About 25 bucks an hour! This is great, I get to take trips with him, have business dinners with him, share...hotel rooms with him. Denise, I gotta go. I need to report this to the police.

_KG hangs up. At that point, Bitch Clock walks in._

BITCH CLOCK: I guess you thought you could get rid of me that easy, huh?

KG: Why the hell aren't you in jail?!

BITCH CLOCK: Why the hell did you and your friends try to con me?! I don't touch minors and I'm not going back inside for a damn thing, so you're safe. But I came here to let you know you're not smarter than me, and if you try me again, I know people that aren't afraid to touch you.

KG: Look, alarm clock man, I guess you know other appliances that can shank me or whatever, but I don't have time for this. I'm looking for a job.

BITCH CLOCK: Typical move for kids that aren't built for the life. Go straight to honest work. You have any experience?

KG: Well, I had a cup of coffee at Fernando's Pizza, but my hotheaded brother ruined it for me.

BITCH CLOCK: Wait a minute, hold the phone. Nando's?! You were working for Craig Ansolabehere?!

KG: Yeah, I was. His name's Craig? That guy doesn't look like a Craig at all. But I take it that you two have history?

BITCH CLOCK: History? We used to be buddies. When I was starting out in the drug game, I laundered my money through his pizzeria. Then one day, the cops were sniffing around and he flipped on me. He's the reason I went in the system.

KG: But wasn't it selling drugs and laundering money that got you there?

BITCH CLOCK: Don't be a smartass. Let me guess, he wanted you to commit to excellence and dropped you when you couldn't take it anymore?

KG: Pretty much. He got paranoid that me and RK were trying to take him out of business.

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, that's Craig. He's been a pussy his whole life. He acts like Vito Corleone, but he's really Tariq St. Patrick in a grown man's body.

KG: Looks like you and me both can't stand him.

_Beat._

BITCH CLOCK: Let me ask you something. Did he promise you that he would take care of you as long as you worked hard and all that jazz?

KG: Yeah, he did.

BITCH CLOCK: Well, since he broke his promise, you don't owe him anything. So if somebody took care of him, you two would be even.

KG: What in God's name are you talking about?

BITCH CLOCK: If I got rid of Mr. Ansolabehere, for good, took everything away from him, how would you feel?

KG: I wouldn't give a f***.

BITCH CLOCK: Really?

KG: Absolutely. He showed me his true colors, I don't care. If you want to get rid of him, be my guest. I never want to see that jackass again.

_Beat._

BITCH CLOCK: Noted. When the job's done, I'll let you know. We'll both get everything we want.

KG: Cool. But don't go hardcore, keep it clean and tasteful.

BITCH CLOCK: For sure. He'll go away peacefully.

_KG and Bitch Clock shake hands._

KG: Nice to see we're on the same page.

BITCH CLOCK: Very nice.

SCENE 21

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, the guys are at lunch again._

RK: So, it looks like I'm back to square one. I need to think big. I've been due for another RK Jennings signature moment.

JAYLYNN: You have any ideas?

RK: Well, since Mr. Ansolabehere wants to play hardball, maybe I'll just play hardball too. I need something on him. Something that will make him give me whatever I want.

SPARKY: Are you talking about blackmail?

RK: Hey, I was just talking, but if you think that's the route I should go, I'll definitely consider it.

WADE: I like the blackmail idea, but I think there's something else you could do to make it work better.

RK: Oh yeah, what is it?

WADE: Forget the idea and not go for it. At all.

RK: Is that the best you can do? Be sarcastic? A teenage boy's employment is at stake!

SPARKY: Look, RK, we just think that...

RK: No, here's what I think. I think that my life has been hell ever since I got KG fired, and now, I hate going home because he doesn't want to talk to me about anything. So either I come up with the greatest plan of all-time to get him his job back, or I do nothing and he hates me for the rest of his life. Now, if anybody has any ideas that are better than mine, I want to hear them. Come on, lay 'em on me, tell me what you really think. All of you.

_Beat. Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn all look uncomfortable. Buster clears his throat._

BUSTER: Um, I don't really have any ideas, but I won't judge the ones you have.

RK: See? That. That's the kind of response I appreciate.

SCENE 22

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, KG is watching TV when RK walks into the house. They stare at each other, then KG goes back to watching TV. RK sighs and begins to go upstairs, but he reconsiders and goes to the TV to turn it off. He then takes the remote._

KG: Hey, I was watching that!

RK: F*** Earl, this is serious. KG, I'm really sorry about what happened. I made a bad mistake and I can't change that. But you have to understand that no matter what happens, we're always going to be brothers.

KG: I hear what you're saying...

RK: No, you don't. Because if you did, you would probably remember all the times you've embarrassed me or made it harder for me to be around you.

KG: What times?

RK: Let's see, you calling me out on the radio just to prove you were funny, you trying to prove you're a good role model, your businessman phase, your ten-year-old boy phase, and everything in between.

KG: Okay, but those times were different.

RK: How?

KG: I was drinking.

RK: Dude, for all the times you've driven me up the wall or screwed up, I never abandoned you. I always stuck by you and made sure you were okay, because that's what brothers do. I've been trying to get you your job back, because I'm afraid that if I don't, things will never be the same again. But if you're willing to throw away our whole brotherhood over this, then be my guest.

_RK begins to go upstairs. _

KG: You've been trying to get me my job back?

RK: Yeah. I know how much it meant to you and the whole thing was my fault, so I have to help you.

KG: I had no idea. No. I'm not throwing anything away. I'm not losing my baby brother.

RK: So, why have you been freezing me out the past few days?

KG: Because I was mad. When you said what you said about being a provider, it made me realize I had no future. I didn't want you to see me as a loser, so I did everything I could to get a job. But once I got fired, I took all my anger out on you. It's like all that hard work never happened.

RK: No future? What about your comedy?

KG: Sure, there's that, but that can't be all I have going on. I need a backup option and I don't have one. It was just easier to pretend that you ruined everything when I was the one that couldn't keep my first job.

RK: No, I did ruin it. I could have tried to be quieter when I was at the restaurant. But I just don't want you to hate me forever.

KG: I could never hate you. I'm sorry I made things so awkward.

RK: It's okay. And you know what? I do have faith in you because I know you're going to get another job. A way better job than that little old pizzeria.

KG: Thanks, man.

RK: Any time.

_RK and KG high five, and then hug._

RK: Just one more thing.

KG: What?

RK: EARL!

_RK runs to the TV and begins kissing the screen._

KG: Of course, you do.

RK: I'm sorry, I just lost my nerve for a second. I never meant what I said, I love you!

_RK kisses the screen again._

SCENE 23

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One afternoon, Sparky is continuing work on his song for Halley._

SPARKY: "A Song for Halley." No, come on, think bigger than that. "Halley's Song." Nah, I don't want people to think it's an Eminem cover.

_At that point, Bitch Clock walks downstairs wearing a skull cap and fingerless gloves._

BITCH CLOCK: Alright, I'll be back soon.

SPARKY: Where are you going dressed like that?

BITCH CLOCK: Oh, Fernando's Pizza. KG called in a hit. I'm about to kill his old boss Craig Ansolabehere and finally get my revenge for him putting me away.

SPARKY: If KG called in the hit, how are you getting revenge on him?

BITCH CLOCK: No, Craig was the one that put me in jail years ago. Long story. But thanks to KG, I'm about to make it right.

SPARKY: You can't kill someone when you're trying to stay out of jail!

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, I can. It's a professional hit. And KG was very specific so Craig won't even feel anything until it's too late. Then he'll bleed out on the floor and everything will be over. See ya.

_Bitch Clock walks out of the house. Sparky frantically pulls out his phone and begins dialing._

SCENE 24

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_RK is watching TV when he gets a phone call. He picks it up._

RK: What's going on, Sparko?

SPARKY _(V.O.)_: RK, did your brother put a hit out on his old boss?!

RK: What? Dude, let me remind you of the dangers of the intravenous drug known as heroin.

SPARKY _(V.O.)_: It's not a joke, man! Bitch Clock just left the house talking about it, he's on his way to Fernando's right now!

RK: Okay, okay, I hear ya. Thanks for the heads up.

_RK hangs up, and runs upstairs. Cut to KG in his room. RK opens the door._

RK: KG, we have to...

_KG clears his throat. RK sighs, and goes back outside. He knocks on the door._

KG: Come in.

_RK runs into the room._

RK: KG, we have to stop Bitch Clock! He's about to kill Mr. Ansolabehere!

KG: What? No, that's wrong, he's just making him go away.

RK: Dude, what do you think that means?!

KG: That he's going to rough him up a little and force him to move somewhere else. Like Aruba or some crappy vacation resort.

RK: No, it means he's going to put a bullet in that man's brain! He's probably dead as we speak!

KG: No. No, I never told that psycho to kill Mr. Ansolabehere! Why would he think that?!

RK: He's an alcoholic, a drug dealer, and an ex-con. Of course, he would think that!

KG: Oh my God, why does Sparky live with him?!

RK: They have a very unique arrangement! It makes sense to them!

KG: Okay, we have to beat him there and warn Mr. Ansolabehere. It might be too late to call off the hit, but it's not too late to spoil it!

RK: Gotcha. I'll be downstairs in my car.

KG: Wait, RK?

RK: Yeah.

KG: Bring your gun. We might need it.

RK: Now, you're speaking my language.

SCENE 25

Fernando's Pizza

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

_RK and KG get out of the car and see Mr. Ansolabehere standing outside the restaurant._

KG: Mr. Ansolabehere!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Are you kidding me? What are you two doing here? That's it, I'm calling the cops.

KG: No, sir, you have to listen to me. Any minute now, some guys are going to pull up and assassinate you! You have to leave!

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I don't have to do anything!

RK: Listen to my brother, Ansolabehere, the guy that's coming to kill you is psychotic! He's...

_At that point, a black car slowly pulls up to the restaurant. RK and KG watch it, and the passenger's window slowly opens to reveal Bitch Clock with a gun._

BITCH CLOCK: Yo, what's up now, partner?!

_KG and RK tackle Mr. Ansolabehere to the ground right before Bitch Clock lets off three shots, all of which miss and hit the entrance doors._

BITCH CLOCK: MOTHERF***ER! DRIVE, DRIVE!

_The car immediately drives off. The Jennings boys pick Mr. Ansolabehere up off the ground._

KG: Now, we're sorry we had to do that, but we had no choice.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: I can't believe this. You two were right. I would have never seen those shots coming if you weren't here.

RK: It was the least we could do. Let's go, bro.

_RK and KG begin to leave the pizzeria._

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: Wait a minute, boys. You did me a real solid and saved my life back there. I don't know how to repay you for this.

RK: You could start by rehiring my brother.

KG: And lifting the ban on the both of us.

MR. ANSOLABEHERE: It's a deal, but I'll do you one better. KG, Parmesan, you, your family, your friends, you all get free pizzas for life. You have my word, Fernando's will take care of you. You have your job, no ban, and free pizzas until you die. How about that?

_RK and KG smile at each other. RK begins to get teary-eyed._

RK: It's like the Christmas we don't deserve.

SCENE 26

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_RK and KG are in the living room recapping the day's events. _

KG: What a day. We spoiled an assassination attempt, I got my job back, and we're both guaranteed free pizzas for life. That's more than some people get in a year.

RK: You think Ansolabehere might find out that you called in the hit?

KG: Doubt it. I didn't even know it was a hit. And only you and Sparky know, so I think I'm going to take this one to the grave.

RK: Smart move.

KG: Yeah, I thought it was.

_KG's phone rings and he sighs when he looks at it. He picks up._

KG: Yeah, Trevor, what's up? _Beat._ No, I got my job back, I don't need you to recommend me. _Beat. _Well, what do you do, Trevor? _Beat._ Yeah, nothing you say adds up. _Beat._ BECAUSE YOU AIN'T _GOT_ NO JOB, MAN!

_KG hangs up._

KG: Crazy, huh? Trevor lying about having a job and shit.

RK: That's despicable.

KG: You took the words right out of my mouth.

_Cut to black._

_("Moment of Clarity" by Jay-Z plays over the end credits)_

©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. KG Gets a Job Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 11/2/19)_

-This was one of the first few episodes I had planned for season eight. I don't exactly remember when I came up with the idea for it, but it was an episode that I had saved up for a long time. And after the first couple seasons, I got into the habit of saving a lot of ideas that would end up becoming episodes months or years after I came up with them.

-There was no major reason for me wanting to do this episode other than have one of the characters go through a change. The final season has been harder to write than the last couple seasons because I'm a lot more thoughtful about the episodes now. Knowing that this will all be over in less than a year means that I really have to make sure every episode is as good as it can be. That's usually my mindset, but it's definitely more important this season. And since the kids are a year older, it's only natural to have them experience real changes. KG getting a job isn't a drastic change for the show, but for him, it is, especially since he's around the age where most people tend to start working. It's something I'm interested to explore in more episodes.

-This episode actually came together a lot easier than I was expecting it to. Originally, I was concerned that there wasn't enough of a story and the episode needed a subplot so it wouldn't be too short. However, I notice that in trying to make sure an episode isn't short, I end up making it long more often than not. Sometimes, I have trouble letting the story breathe so I was trying to show more restraint with this episode. I think that I should just write the episode without worrying too much about the length, and if it does end up shorter than expected, I can make the changes then instead of stressing about it in the beginning.

-This episode is interesting in that it mostly is about the dynamic between the Jennings brothers, and how that dynamic ends up affecting the decisions they make. KG really only decides to get a job because he wants to be a provider for RK, and one of the things he values the most in life is for RK to look up to him and admire him. This is what ends up causing problems later on, because in KG's mind, if RK is going to encourage him to get a job, then be the catalyst for him losing the job, then does he really look up to him? Is there ever a chance of that happening? And even though RK only wanted KG to keep the job because of what he could get out of it, he sees how important it is to him and hates the fact that his actions are the reason their relationship is strained. I don't know if I was really setting out to make this a Jennings brothers episode in the beginning, it just turned out that way during the writing.

-This isn't anything new at this point in the series, but for the most part, Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn don't factor into this episode at all. They make appearances and speak, but their presence isn't vital to the story. This episode would almost be exactly the same if they weren't in it. I'm only pointing this out because for a long time, I was devoted to giving all five main characters something to contribute to every episode. I was tired of shows like _Family Guy _having an ensemble to work with, but only one or two of the main characters would get the focus most of the time. I didn't want any of the kids to be more important than each other, or become overshadowed and ignored even when the episode wasn't about them. But now, I'm at the point where I can write an episode and no longer feel obligated to give all of the kids something to do or say. Sometimes, it's just unnecessary.

-I wasn't sure what character I wanted Mr. Ansolabehere to have at first. I knew I wanted him to have wisdom and be an intimidating figure that KG would either want to impress or be annoyed by because of how seriously he took himself, but not much else. In the end, I wrote Mr. Ansolabehere to be somewhat like a merciful mob boss. Someone who is a straight shooter, someone who takes pride in himself and his work, and someone who only gives respect to those who earn it. I actually have an idea for a future episode involving him and the Jennings brothers, but I won't say much else. It does tie into the "merciful mob boss" attitude, though.

-Bernard's sign, including the "I added the 'a-go go'" phrase is a reference to the _Friends _episode "The One with the Stoned Guy," where Chandler refers to his career counselor in the same way.

-Mr. Ansolabehere is named after writer and producer Joe Ansolabehere. He is best known for co-creating the Disney/ABC animated series _Recess _(1997-2001) with Paul Germain. Ansolabehere also worked as a head story editor during the first three seasons of _Rugrats _(1991-2004) and a story editor/producer on the first season of _Hey Arnold! _(1996-2004), helping to develop the show with creator Craig Bartlett.

-When RK's done smelling his pizza, he references the opening lyrics to the 1953 Dean Martin song "That's Amore."

-The "Carry Out" montage was probably the first scene I thought of for the episode. I just came up with it in my head when I was in class a couple weeks ago.

-RK and Landon's disagreement over the Parmesan shaker was inspired by a similar scene from the Spike Lee film _Do the Right Thing _(1989) involving characters Sal and Buggin' Out.

-Jaylynn references the rapper/singer Swae Lee.

-RK references the season six premiere "The Space Program" where him and the rest of the kids went to an intergalactic civilization through a simulation device that Wade invented. During this trip, RK ends up going to jail and put on trial for carrying a deadly weapon and trespassing on segregated property.

-I wanted to continue the KG/Bitch Clock conflict for one more episode, so I had them interact here. I actually had a scene in mind for a while where Bitch Clock realized that he used to clean his drug money through Fernando's Pizza, but I didn't come up with him wanting to murder Mr. Ansolabehere until I wrote the episode.

-Bitch Clock references Marlon Brando's character Vito Corleone from _The Godfather _(1972) and Tariq St. Patrick from the Starz series _Power _(2014-).

-RK references previous episodes where KG embarrassed or alienated him: "Masters of the Universe" from season two (KG tries to prove to RK that he's funny due to his interest in pursuing comedy as a career), "To Be or Not to Be a Role Model" from season four (KG tries to prove to RK that he is a good role model), "KG the Carnegie" from season four (KG gives up on comedy and decides to pursue a career as a businessman), and "The Fourteenth Year" from season four (KG drinks a formula meant to stop him from going through puberty, but he instead turns into a ten-year-old).

-Sparky references the Eminem song "Hailie's Song," a song that Eminem wrote for his daughter Hailie Jade and appears on his 2002 album _The Eminem Show_.

-Originally, RK was going to sarcastically warn Sparky about the dangers of smoking crack, but because I've referenced that drug so many times before on this show, I decided to go with something different.

-A running gag in this episode is KG not believing that Trevor actually has a job and telling him, "You ain't _got _no job, man!" This is a direct reference to the Fox sitcom _Martin _(1992-1997), where Tommy would constantly talk about his job but never mention any specifics. This would lead to one of the other characters (usually Martin) telling him that he didn't have a job.


End file.
